Rye Lane, Peckham
I’ve listed a selection of my favourite foods to buy on Rye Lane. So if you enjoy having a strong resistance to the Ebola virus, along with a preference for your food to come in a sack, then read on.
Never do I want to hear that Peckham butchers with signs that say ‘phone unlocking’, have been replaced by butchers with signs that say ‘butchers’. I went into a shop in gentrified East Dulwich once and not only did they refuse to unlock my mobile - claiming the pratice to be illegal - they told me that they didn’t even know how, as they were butchers. They’d obviously never been to Rye Lane. Lamb Neck is a personal favourite. You can get 6 for £3, and a jail-broke iPhone for £5 more.
Arab-American Solidarity Rice
Wouldn’t it be cool if messrs Bush and Bush jr hung out at Camp David with Saddam and Ayatollah Khomeini to shoot hoops, drink Keystone Lite, and make fun of Netanyahu? The logo for their pick-up basketball team would probably be similar to this badass pack of rice. It really makes you think about the true cost of war.
Something Arabic with an intimidating logo
The old addage ‘you are what you eat’ once suggested that a person’s constitution reflected the nutritional content - or lack thereof - of the foods they consumed. The Advertising industry has decided to completely fuck this up, managing to convince speccy kids that they’ll turn into a 6 story cartoon spokes-giant if they eat sweetcorn. It’s not even a vegetable, it’s a grain. Having said that, I would be more than happy to increase my intake of Sweet Supari if I were to transform into the stern Ayatollah of indeterminate Arabic food products pictured above. I bet Rick Ross owes him one hundred favours.
And the rest
A shit load of whatever Frooti is
Big-ass tubs of yoghurt.
I can’t believe anyone would eat this much yoghurt! What a day.